by Connie Helena

Smile knowingly when you hear the joke: “What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?” Answer: “Homeless.”

Go to his gig and have him tell you he cannot hang out with you because he needs his fans to believe he is available.

Go to his gig and have him tell you he cannot hang out with you because the other girl he is sleeping with is there too.

Go to his gig and be the only one there along with the other band mates’ girlfriends.  Help carry the equipment.

Come home from the gig at 4am only to get up for work a few hours later, while he sleeps the day away.

Drive him all over town, because he does not own a car.  Let him borrow your car while you are at work.

Realize when the speakers are blown in your car it is because he prefers to turn the bass all the way up then blast that shit.

Find a way to sleep comfortably with him on his bed: a single mattress on the floor, with sheets that may or may not have been washed recently.

Overlook the fact when he decides to move in with you he brings all of his possessions in two large black garbage bags.

See nothing wrong with the fact you had no interest in this guy until you saw him on stage being amazing.

Accept that when it is finally over you may be left with nothing except a few songs about what a total bitch you are.

Sit back powerlessly as too many nights’ lack of sleep lands him in the hospital with a mental breakdown.

Look at the scraps of paper scattered everywhere – decipher his lyrics to see if you mean anything to him at all.

Get used to listening to the same song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…

Try your best not to develop your own alcohol or drug habit as almost everyone around you eventually succumbs to something. 

Convince yourself that you will be his Layla or his June or his Sharona; you will never be anything like Yoko or Courtney.

No longer feel like the misfit or the freak as he brings you into an environment where your inability to be "good" or "normal" is appreciated.

Be the witness when a piece of art is given birth to right before your eyes, in your ears, through your soul.

Grow old listening to the music that you helped to conceive – whether by driving the car or providing the money or just by loving his broke ass body.

Give birth to his children and observe as they show signs of the musical, creative spirit. Pray their muses treat them well. 


Connie Helena is the editor of Stereogenic. She wants "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star to be played at her funeral.